"Call Me Adam" Interview

Hi everyone!

I was so honored to be interviewed for the second time by the wonderful Adam Rothenberg in anticipation of the "Forever Deadward" concert at 54 Below a week from today.

Come check it out! And hope to see you at the concert!

Click here for the interview.

Interview with Alex Brightman

Hey guys! Check out this awesome interview I did with the wonderful Alex Brightman about Forever Deadward and all things comedy (and we even reference this blog!)

The Boundaries Podcast Ep. 7 - Ashley Griffin

Shakespeare On Film - A Reference Guide

Hey guys! So a friend of mine asked me to put together a list of the best film versions of Shakespeare's plays. This is the (very thorough) result. Thought it might be helpful to some of you out there. :)

Shakespeare on Film:

So, to make it easier I'm going to categorize the plays in terms of genre (comedy, tragedy, history, romance.) However, I highly suggest you start by watching "Looking For Richard" - a documentary by Al Pacino where he, and a bunch of friends go to England to analyze "Richard the 3rd." Not only do you get wonderfully acted scenes, you get a brilliant analysis of the play, British monarchical history, and Shakespearian text analysis. The truth is, basically all of Shakespeare's histories are chronological, so if you get a good solid understanding of the history behind the stories, the plays will make a lot more sense. And if you understand the War of the Roses (which plays a big part in "Richard the 3rd") you'll understand a lot of what's going on in the other histories. Also, when in doubt, check this out: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079378/. Not the best, but filmed (I believe) RSC productions of ALL of Shakespeare’s plays. (I think the link is to the “Tragedies” set – but they have sets for the comedies and histories too…)

P.S – this is an amazing site that lists every male monologue (link to the girls is in the top left corner) in every Shakespeare play: http://www.shakespeare-monologues.org/men

So... here we go...

The Tragedies:

A Shakespearian tragedy is defined as a play where the principle character has a "tragic flaw" that leads to their demise - usually death. To be a true tragedy there cannot be a wedding at the end, and must include the deaths of multiple characters.

And lets get off to a solid start with:

Hamlet

There are too many filmed versions of "Hamlet" to count. I think the contemporary ones will do the most good as you wont have to wade through retro stylized acting. If you want to check out the “greats” (esp. Laurence Olivier,) I would suggest watching clips on youtube – not hunting down the full movie.

There are three main contemporary films of "Hamlet":

The "Mel Gibson" one: It's actually not as bad as people think it is, but it's not terribly good either. For me, the main reason to watch this one is for Helena Bonham Carter's Ophelia. My absolute favorite.

The "Kenneth Branagh" one: This is an important one, as it's the only film version that leaves in every line of text from the first folio. It's not cut in any way. The downside of this is that it's like 3-4 hours long...but you will get "Hamlet" in its entirety. My favorite part of this version is the amazing casting of the "cameo" roles - these side characters have never been played better.

The "David Tennant" one: I may get some flack for this, but personally this is my favorite filmed version of "Hamlet." It is literally a filmed version (on a set, not a theater) of the RSC production from a couple years back. Tennant is lovely as Hamlet, and Patrick Stewart plays both King Hamlet, and Claudius - and is tremendous! Because this is based on the stage play it has much more of the feel the play was meant to have - being performed intimately on one set in a theater. They also make some beautiful, bold choices regarding surveillance in this world, and I think a lot of things are very very clear that can sometimes get muddied in other versions.

Ethan Hawke also did a "contemporary" filmed version of "Hamlet" that might make the story VERY clear set in modern day, but the aesthetic is so muddy I can't in good conscience recommend it...

There is also a National Theater Live production, but that's not my favorite either...

Macbeth

I honestly think the absolute best version is the film of the Patrick Stewart, Kate Fleetwood production that was at the RSC, and Broadway. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1570337/. Stunning, clear, and terrifying. It’s also the only recent film version of the play. I will warn you there is some scene rearranging (mainly in reversing Act 1 scenes 1, and 2) and though I think it’s done to brilliant effect, it’s not as the piece exists in the first folio.

 There's also a very interesting production that was directed by Teller (of Penn and Teller fame.) I'm not a big fan of the actual performances, but Teller uses state of the art illusion work that is just spectacular, and does wonders to illuminate certain parts of the play. 

King Lear

Truth be told, there’s no good movie version of this one. If you really want to watch something, check out the 1983 Olivier one: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087561/, but it’s not the best. 

There is however a very interesting filmed version of the recent National Theater production directed by Sam Mendes. It's screened in movie theaters across America and the UK as part of the National Theater Live series, however you can't buy or rent it. This version has a fantastic cast, and is set in a totalitarian state that seeks to explore a deeper reasoning behind Cordelia's very public standing up to her father. 

NOTE: Hamlet, Macbeth, and King Lear make up the basis of seasons 1-3 of “Slings and Arrows.” Truthfully – watch those three seasons, and you’ll understand the plays VERY well (and have a lot of fun.)

Othello

Though it of course doesn’t tell the full story, you MUST watch “Stage Beauty." Though they only do a couple scenes – it’s the best “Othello” I’ve seen on film.

I’m really not a big fan of other “Othello’s” on film. The one I would most recommend, though I hesitate, as it doesn’t use the original text, is a movie called “O” that is a modern retelling. 

If you just want the full thing, text and all on film watch the Laurence Fishburne, Kenneth Branagh 1995 one: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114057/ . They do a good job telling the story very clearly with the original language. 

There is also an interesting National Theater Live production of Othello set against the backdrop of the Iraq war. 

Romeo and Juliet

For passion, and good, clear, modern storytelling: Baz Luhrmann’s version.

For a stunning version of what the play has always classically been: Franco Zeffirelli’s. The thing I love about this version is he cast an age appropriate Romeo and Juliet, and let them be passionately in love – they literally can’t keep their hands off each other.

However, be warned that both these versions have been cut – most blatantly in the exclusion of one of my all time favorite moments in the Shakespearian cannon: Juliet’s potion monologue. For that alone, I would watch the filmed version of the Stratford production starring Megan Follows (of “Anne of Green Gables” fame). The production is not very good – and Megan Follows is NOT comfortable with the text – but I’m in love with the director’s interpretation of that potion monologue: 

Antony and Cleopatra

Honestly, really no filmed versions. A couple of TV movies, and filmed live stage productions, but nothing of note…

Julius Caesar

See above

Timon of Athens

See above

Titus Andronicus

There's an interesting film version called "Titus" made by Julie Taymor from the late 90's. An interesting take and the only real film version of this play. 

Coriolanus

Actually, there’s a film coming out this December (though it was filmed a few years ago) directed by, and starring Ralph Fiennes. Other than this, see above.

There is also a National Theater Live production starring Tom Hiddleston.

The Comedies

A Shakespearian comedy is defined as a play ending with a wedding. Seriously.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Honestly, my favorite, though very dated is the 1935 version in which a 10 or so year old Mickey Rooney made his film debut as Puck. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0026714/

There is the more recent version: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0140379/ - but honestly, except for the wonderful Bill Irwin, who’s almost never on screen, I find it hard to get through…

As You Like It

Really, only one film version. Not the best, but thanks to Bryce Dallas Howard it does what it needs to: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450972/, though why Kenneth Branagh decided to set it in Japan with an all white cast is beyond me…

Alls Well That Ends Well

No good film version

Love’s Labour’s Lost

To my knowledge, there is one, literally one film version of this play. It was done by Kenneth Branagh, stars Alicia Silverstone, and is done as a 1930’s musical. Proceed at your own risk:http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0182295/

Measure for Measure

No good film version. The only one to my knowledge was done in 2006 – and is even scarier than the Silverstone version above. Hence, no link. There are limits. LOL.

Merry Wives of Windsor

No good versions.

Much Ado About Nothing

The Brannagh version. I personally love it. A lot of people hate it.

Joss Whedon also recently did a contemporary film version.

You can also download from Digital Theater Live the West End production starring David Tennant and Chatherine Tate. I may get some flack for this as well, but Tennant and Tate are my all time favorite Beatrice and Benedict. I don't think you can top them. The rest of the production though leaves something to be desired. 

Pericles, Prince of Tyre

No good versions

The Comedy of Errors

Now this is random – but I find the funnest version outside of a live production is the musical “The Boys from Syracuse” by Rodgers and Heart. Lovely, clear story, and funny. But no good film version.

The Merchant of Venice

The only real film version is the recent Al Pacino one. It’s not brilliant, but it’s not bad.

The Taming of the Shrew

Film wise, have to go with the Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton version.

There is also a very fun modern retelling (though it doesn’t use the original text) starring Heath Ledger called “Ten Things I Hate About You."

However, there’s a wonderful musical called “Kiss Me Kate” by Cole Porter that’s a retelling set backstage during a Broadway show set in the 30’s. The “cast” is doing a musical based on “Taming” and their backstage lives reflect their onstage characters.

Twelfth Night

My favorite comedy. Unless you count the Amanda Bynes modern remake “She’s The Man”, there’s literally only one film version.: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117991/. Have MAJOR issues with Imogen Stubbs in one of my all time favorite Shakespearian roles, but Helena Bonham Carter and Ben Kingsley make up quite a bit of the slack.

Two Gentlemen of Verona

Containing one of the funniest monologues ever (if delivered properly.) Unfortunately, no good film version.

The Romances, or “problem plays.”

A Shakespearian romance is defined as a comedy that doesn’t end with a wedding, but where the protagonist doesn’t have/overcomes their fatal flaw. These are often called the “problem plays” because they are genre bending – not quite a tragedy or a comedy.

Cymbeline

My fav. In essence, it’s Shakespeare does Snow White. No good film version, but there are clips of Helen Mirren playing Imogen on youtube. Though it’s a VERY dull production.

The Tempest

Oddly so many TERRIBLE film versions. My personal fav is “Forbidden Planet” – a 1950’s B-sci fi reimagining of the story set in space. It’s also a jukebox musical (called "RETURN to the Forbidden Planet"). Gotta love it.

There’s the recent Julie Taymor film, but in changing Prospero to ProsperA they LITERALLY wrote new text to explain the character being a woman. Yes, they hired someone to write new Shakespearian verse to stick into the play.

Then there’ a REALLY weird 80’s reimagining starring Molly Ringwald, and Susan Sarandon:http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084776/

The Winter’s Tale

No good film versions

Troilus and Cressida

No good film versions

The Histories

Henry the 4th part 1 and 2

Both parts are part of the wonderful Hollow Crown series directed by Sam Mendes. 

Henry the 5th

The Kenneth Branagh film. All right. 

There's also a film version that's part of the The Hollow Crown series directed by Sam Mendes. 

Henry the 6th

No good film versions

Henry the 8th

No good film versions

King John

No good film versions

Richard the 2nd

There is a brilliant filmed version of the RSC production starring David Tennant. 

There is also a great film version by Sam Mendes as part of The Hollow Crown series.

Richard the 3rd

My fav. History. Watch “Looking For Richard” (see above.)

Also love Ian McKellen’s version, especially the Lady Anne scene which he sets in a morgue.

Forever Deadward

Hey everyone!

So, I can FINALLY announce one of the big things I've been having to keep under wraps for the past couple months.

"Forever Deadward - The Vampire Musical Parody" is coming back! After becoming something of a pop culture phenomenon when the show premiered at New World Stages we are finally able to move forward with the show. I'm over the moon!

I'll post more details when I have them, but we will be having an industry presentation in October at The York Theater Company (which as of now will be a closed event.)

BUT

We will be having a public concert presentation at the iconic 54 Below in Times Square in December. To buy tickets just click HERE.

You can find all the latest info on our website (www.foreverdeadward.com) including links to our facebook, twitter, and youtube pages.

Dance Moms Parody

Hey guys! Sorry I've been really crazy lately, but I promise good posts coming soon. :)

In the meantime, here's a little project I've been doing. "Dance Moms - Season 16" - A Parody.

Enjoy! Dance Moms - Season 16

"In The Fall of A Sparrow..." Chapter One

Yes, it's true. I'm working on my first book. It's at the point where I'm talking to agents so I guess it's no longer "under wraps" lol.

If you'd like to check it out - here's the (current) first chapter.

I feel like Dickens writing in installments. lol.

It's (currently) called:

"In The Fall of a Sparrow." © 2014

Contact:

Managers:

Schwartz & McEntyre

305 Madison Avenue

Suite 1028

New York, NY 10165

212-856-9777

ross@schwartzmcentyre.com

Chapter I

They don’t tell you that living is the hardest thing you will ever do. Life is an action, a choice, as much as taking a test or confessing your love. You don’t understand until you’ve reached the end. But don’t worry. You will.

I wonder, is death an action? DyING. Yes. But Death itself? Perhaps it works the same as life – you can’t tell until you’ve come to the end of death. But there is no end. That’s the thing about death. It’s final. The possibility of my death has always been there, a specter hovering in the corner. As familiar as a mortal enemy and as constant as the knowledge of what I am. The two are inexorably linked. You can’t have one without the other. My entire life has been defined by one fact: I am disabled in a world without disabilities.

I believe, somehow, that there is beauty in what they call my illness. The way I see the world is precious to me. It’s rumored that before the founding of the State there were disabled persons who contributed greatly to the flourishing of mankind. Some of the greatest artists had handicaps. That may just be wishful thinking. But since it seems this, my story, may be the only thing I leave behind, it gives me hope there may be something of worth in it. There has to be.

They say what they are doing is a service, a protection for me and for society. I tell them I wont hurt anyone. I offer to just go away somewhere by myself. I don’t want to upset anybody. But they won’t allow it. I grew up seeing the newsreels and hearing the warnings about people like me. I know that I am, though I can’t believe it myself, that dangerous thing that is to be feared. Quarantined. Destroyed. Yes. That part they don’t make as clear to you. Do they? That they destroy us. I knew. I was forewarned. That explains The Test, to a degree. I’ll elaborate in more detail later. I’m sure you’re very curious about that part of my story. If you’re reading this, you must be. Achieving that score on The Test was one of the most difficult things I ever did, and that’s saying something. Funny, I don’t actually know if anybody ever will read this. The only time I could be truly myself was, is, inside my own head. You wouldn’t imagine the conversations I had with myself. Now I’m suddenly picturing a person, a face sitting across from me, listening to those things I had to keep absolutely secret. It is a luxury I have always wished for.

I am known simply as Case Number 37401. It’s easier to erase a number. But my name is Sophie. Sophie Barre. Like a fruit. I prefer to say like J. M. Barrie. But a fruit is a nice comparison, and I’m sure you’ve never heard of Mr. Barrie. I still remember the way my father used to say my name with a slight lilt, as if it were played by a cello. So-phie. It made my name sound beautiful. Yes, my name is Sophie, I’m twenty-five years old, and today is my last day on earth. My specter has come for me. I don’t know how I am to die, and I’m afraid. I’ve spent so long hiding from it. Perhaps that’s one grace, I’ll never have to worry about dying again.

You are probably wondering what is it like having my disease. I remember having to get used to the loneliness. The boredom too. They were both difficult in their own ways. One was an infirmity of the mind, one of the heart. Boredom provided most of my daily torment, like constant static on a TV that followed me around day and night and never turned off. The loneliness proved the one I found I truly could not bear. I have found that the heart can exist, in a way, without the mind. I don’t think it works the other way around. That sounds a bit ironic perhaps given the speaker. Being inside my mind was like being in a Wonderland no one else had ever visited. But perhaps that is not the best way to begin. I doubt you have ever heard of “Alice in Wonderland” or that the reference has any meaning for you.

They keep asking about my childhood. Growing up. My interview transcripts could make a whole autobiography. Perhaps you have already read them? Or perhaps not. Maybe, like them, you would also like to know. I can recite it by rote now. I was born in the Block Seven hospital. I grew up in a surprisingly normal way. I had a happy childhood. I went to school, came home, set meals, played. I liked to read, I remember. I still do. I don’t think I was much for playing with dolls or blocks. I was an only child. I liked to have conversations with my parents. Is that unusual? Perhaps not. Though now looking back I tend to view everything as a marker. We talked about ideas. At least my father and I did. We lived near the center of Block Seven in a small two-bedroom apartment on the third floor. My mother was a young children’s instructor, and my father was an assistant speechwriter for the lower level Government officials in our sector. His superior was the Dean of Creative History at the National Upper Education Compound. Our home was small, but warm. Dark, in a cozy way. Brown. Earthy. I was scared to venture too far outside of it. I was afraid, as we all were, of enemies on the outside. It wasn’t until I turned ten that the Great War was won, and we sent emissaries off to introduce our peaceful existence to the other nations of the world. Then we all relaxed a bit. I remember the parades and celebrations.

I used to like to play-act stories with other children I knew. I suppose all children do this to a degree – playing Chancellor, playing at The Test. But I used to make up fantastical stories of imagined, far-away places that were not as safe or comfortable as the world we lived in. I remember since practically the moment I was born of having a feeling of a kind of homesickness, as if I desperately missed a home I had never actually been to. The closest I ever got to feeling that things were the way they were supposed to be was in art. In books, in music, in the sunlight and the sky. Nature is a kind of art. But eventually real life became far more interesting to my friends, and they grew up and forgot. Of course I grew up too, but I never really wanted to leave such magical worlds, as the others did. In some ways, I never did leave them. I always knew that I saw the world differently. The trouble was that I used to think I had companions in my world; I quickly learned I did not. I lost my compatriots, but I never quite lost my homesickness.

I progressed through the grades as normal. Ironically, I don’t remember liking most of school. Some things, but not many. I was always anxious to get home at the end of the day. “Homebody,” Ben would call me. My father would just chuckle when I mentioned the comment, disgruntled, at the dinner table.

“There’s nothing wrong with sticking close to home,” he said. “Besides, it’ll keep you out of trouble. Just lay low, and you can sail through life. No reason to grab attention. Be smart Sophie,” he said. “You’re a smart girl.” I didn’t feel smart. I felt like everyone else lived in some sort of world I couldn’t reach. If I WAS smart, I’d figure out how.

Mother would just smile. A thin smile that seemed to denote the opposite of happiness. She was quiet, never really said much. I don’t remember my mother and I ever having a real conversation. We never exchanged more than a few words at a time with each other. Mother was thin. Wispy. Bird-like. I remember her, always with her hair pulled back wearing a simple, unremarkable dress that I prayed she wouldn’t try to pass on to me someday.

I remember one day, as I was apt to do, I began hounding my father with questions. “Where does our food come from? Why are blankets so soft?” Father always humored me, and dutifully tried to answer each and every query.

“The soft stuff in our blankets, our pillows, even some of our clothes come from animals.” Animals! What a sensational word! Later that night, I heard him and mother fighting.

“You shouldn’t be filling her head with such nonsense!” Mother pronounced.

“What?” Father replied. “Animals are necessary to our existence.”

“They are useful to the Government in providing what we need,” she snapped. “But they are not, and never will be, a part of our lives. Now she’ll just be harping on them for weeks. You know her. Really, you wouldn’t be talking with a child about chemical formulas, so why talk to her about animals? It’s just as ridiculous and unimportant.”

“Amy –“

“You’re going to get her in trouble. You’re going to get us ALL in trouble! The things she says…I’m worried she might be sick, and you just keep encouraging her! How could you do that, how could you even think about putting us in that position after everything -”

“She is not sick!” Father shouted back, interrupting Mother. “She’s just…different. She’s bright. She’s not sick.”

I didn’t ask about animals again. I have never seen an animal, nor I assume have you (I mean a real animal, not the common insects we’ve all seen every now and again.) But I think about them when I get lonely. I like the idea of a big comforter walking about and following me around.

I think about Father when I get lonely too. There was something…cozy about him. No, I can’t think of the right word. How can I possibly describe Father? He was like your favorite armchair that you run to and curl up in. Strong, but soft, and warm. There was something almost magical about him, as if he had a secret, a secret I thought only I could see, behind his often stern exterior. Like the Man in the Moon. He demanded respect, and could be intimidating, but never in a scary way. The closest analogy I can make is that he was like a giant redwood tree. At least how I imagine it. When I read about a tall tree, I picture my father.

           

People say that after a certain age they begin to long for something they miss, and realize that they’ve lost. A comfort, a joy, a peace and safety that somehow seems to have seeped out and disappeared. Everything misplaced since their childhood that they wish they could bring back. The longing is right. The memory is not. I think the feeling tends to be associated with such a time because it is always the furthest away from now you can get. If you don’t keep it active, memory becomes fuzzy, and ends up as a home for all sorts of homeless thoughts and feelings. The truth is, it seems to me I have had just such a longing all my life. Really looking back with a hard, cold view, it seems that I longed for the same thing in childhood that I long for now. We forget that all children long for the day they are grown up, just as all grown ups long to be children again. Neither are right. Both are searching for that feeling they know exists, but is somehow out of their grasp. I miss the safety and comfort I feel in the nostalgia of my childhood. As a child, I longed for the safety and comfort I did not feel, but was certain would come in that far off day when I was free, with none of the responsibilities that burdened me. It isn’t a matter of not appreciating what I had when I had it. I greatly appreciated what I had. But it was not what I was searching for. Just as being an adult is not all we hoped it would be, so being a child was not everything we wish we could remember it as. Our whole lives we are longing for something we never truly experience.

“You live in the greatest age this world has ever known” Ms. Thompson used to say. She was our grade three instructor, when we first learned about National history and the workings of our Government.

“There was a time when you, yes, even some of you sitting here right now might have gone your whole life without being able to see, or walk, or even feed, or speak for yourselves,” she told us. “When most of the population, even if they were born completely normal, would die a horrific death after only a few decades. Not anymore.” She showed us some of the newsreels we’d seen in the cinemas. Cartoon images of people sitting in rolling chairs because their legs didn’t work, people with mental infirmities – some couldn’t understand basic concepts or perform simple skills, some were instead like mad scientists, minds like whirling dervishes, inventing crazed concoctions and insane methods of bringing the world to an end. Lost in their own terrifying fantasies. Ms. Thompson explained that mental disabilities, just like food, could be dangerous both by having too little of what you needed, and by having an excess.

“You can have too much brains?” asked Molly, as a cartoon figure of a man with an oversized brain extending out of his skull launched a massive bomb, wiping out an entire state. He laughed gleefully as children screamed. 

“Well, earlier this year we learned how a cell divides, didn’t we?” Ms. Thompson answered, “we learned that even though it’s a cell’s job to divide, and it’s very important that it does so, if it divides too much, and is never stopped, it becomes something called Cancer, and will end up destroying not only itself, but also the healthy cells near it, and eventually the entire person. Sometimes a brain can do the same thing. So we help those kinds of mental disabilities the same way we stop the little cell dividing too much.”

“Oh,” said Molly. The class smiled.

“Most of these illnesses can be dealt with when we’re still only a collection of a few cells. Some do not become apparent until after a person is born. But we have ways of addressing those too. Scientists are working on ways to keep people from being born with any of these diseases. Just like they have invented new types of plants, even seeds that are resistant to bugs, cold, and lots of other bad things so that food will last longer, and be able to feed more people. We are able to use those techniques on more and more things.”

“Now, just like we saw these news reels of all the things our Government has overcome, we’re going to make our own newsreel of all the wonderful things we now have because of our esteemed Chancellor and our wonderful State.”

“Eternal glory to the Chancellor

Forever their State will reign!”

We shouted.

“Good,” said Mrs. Thompson. “Now you may take out your paper and crayons.”

I don’t remember an earth shaking moment when I realized I was different. Instead it was something that just gradually became a part of my consciousness. When I heard Father use that word, different, to describe me when he was fighting with Mother, it didn’t shock me. It gave voice to something I had always somehow known. I used to say there was too much noise in my head, and it used to drive me crazy that I couldn’t seem to turn my mind off. My father told me not to talk about it at school, that it would go away when I got older, and to just do my assignments as much like the other children as possible. But that only lead to impossible frustration and boredom. I wanted to throw things at the wall. School was all facts. We memorized formulas and theorems, and then repeated them back on tests and exams. I felt as if I were being tested on how high I was able to jump in a tiny closet with a ceiling one inch above my head. Everyone kept saying, “Good! Good!” when I was really just banging my head against a wall over and over and over again.

I finally started spending more and more time, at least at school, focusing my attention on things I did no more than adequately. Painting was never my favorite, and on the occasions when assignments required that we create posters or mini-newsreels, I would go through the motions as best I could, my work never more than absolutely average. I began to focus on it more often to pass the time. Painting was, after all, something I could improve, and at least provided some sort of a challenge. But what I always wanted to do was write. I suppose there is no harm in confessing now (keeping the secrets is no longer any protection for anyone involved in my case) that my father had a collection of illegal books he kept hidden in his study in the underlevel of our home. He was allowed by the Government to reference some illegal books because of his work, but how he attained such a collection I’ll never know. But he let me devour them as soon as I was old enough to make an attempt. Let me. He encouraged me to! I love him for it, and at the same time it enrages me. Why would Father put me in such a position? I believe he was so desperate to have someone to relate to, to discuss these illegal thoughts with, that he allowed himself to overstep common sense. Would things have turned out differently if he had kept his secrets? But in any case, I had dreams of being our Nation’s great literary genius. Funny, This is the only thing I shall ever write.

I wonder, what would you have done in my circumstances? Some may challenge me for being less heroic than I ought to have been. I did not lead a rebellion against the society that did this to me. I won no battles. Achieved no great victory. Others may think the opposite, that I foolishly stepped too far out of my depth. It is very easy to lead a charge when doing it alongside a character in a story, where there is a seductive empathy but no consequences. Or to have a foresight of danger to come when you have the clear-headed mind of an outsider. But if you were truly facing hunger, or going without a roof over your head, or danger to your person, or cold, or sorrow, not just in an imagined existence but in real life, what choices would you have made? Am I right in what I did? Would you have done the same if it were real to you, and not just ciphers on a page? Was what I did bravery or cowardice? Or is it simply human nature? Am I permitted that grace? Of saying I have a human nature? I suppose that’s left for you to decide. My unknown confessor.

So then, let us begin. I don’t have much time. I shall lay my thoughts out as best I can, and try to give you a clear picture of what has led me to where I am now. You, whoever you are, are left to be the judge and jury of my life, and to determine what value, if any, might be found in it.